on the road

I guess I seek my path in a wrong way. We need patience and waiting, of course, sometimes it is more important than being active. But when I lose focus while waiting, when I don't know what is my real purpose any more, when I forget or am too lazy to turn to God every day, I slip off the road and just roam around life. Too much time is dangerous, as much as too little.
In this part of my life I have time to think about my purposes, this is the pure opportunity to think about the meaning of life, without boundaries and fixity, I have never been more free in my life - and yet I long for people to love, an avocation to serve, a place to call it home.
Yet, I can wait. I got the strenght to love, to wait, to listen, and to act. I want to learn the art of balance. Sleeping, exercising, listening to God, love my family and friends and spend quality time with them, and do some  creative work.
There is so much things in the world that is not ok, cases when we are really blind, in Hungary too, and in the systems and in ourselves, of course. But changing the world always start with little steps, day by day, with everyday duties and beauties, being in the present -  focusing not on ourselves. And knowing Somebody had already redeemed us, we only continue the task.
(I feel difficult and hard to talk about Christ, because words change the reality, but I believe and am sure that even if I am or the world and life are on a wrong way, there is God who loves us and take care of each of us.)

words

I am constantly thinking about words for I work with them. And I found a very interesting sentence in a book: András Feldmár (Hungarian psychologist living in Canada) wrote in a book (made of his lectures), The rainbow of conscious-states. Sorry if the translation is not perfect.

"What we see or don't see doesn't depend on whether we have a word for it, or we don't have. But even if we do have a word for it, it doesn't mean that it really exists. It might be a part we have created so that we can talk about it."


Az, hogy mit látunk és mit nem, attól is függ, hogy van-e rá szavunk vagy nincs. De ha van is rán szavunk, az még nem jelenti azt, hogy olyan valóban létezik. Lehet, hogy ez is olyan rész, amit azért teremtettünk, hogy beszéljünk róla.

Local tourist

Yesterday I was walking in the city, and I felt I need to sit down and do nothing but listen. Just sit on the bench, not in a park but close to an old square with coffee shops - and I was there for a half an hour and I was sure that now - now I'm alive. Observing things for me is a little bit like meditating (similar to swimming, singing, gardening and so on), but I guess this is the most ancient way.
So I observed the people who crossed the way, the different bushes as they were shaking differently in the wind, the clouds that brought light rain, the roofs (I love roofs), the ivy on the wall, the crumbs on the ground, everything.

Once I read that somebody was walking on the streets of Budapest as a local tourist, and noticed everything with new eye, a fresh look. This is a great idea! Though most of the times it's difficult, and we can easily accustomed to the beauties of our place - but it's worth to have a new look at the place where we live and spend our days, even if it is a quite common city, because beauty is everywhere around us: in the creations of God and the people.

Idle day

Yesterday I felt I did nothing.
Do you also feel this sometimes? There are simply idle days.
I crashed a bowl of walnut and almond, and I read a drama, and I was in a choire to sing - but all day I felt I want to do nothing and that I am bored and that I don't want to do nothing as well...
I looked at all my books and I didn't want to read them, I looked out of the window - it's rainy, but spring is still beautiful, but I didn't want to go out too.
There are idle days, when you feel there is nothing to do in the world, nothing has a meaning.

But I know that this is only a mood, and life is much more than loafing about the house.
We are created to think, to act, to love, and no mood and feeling can change this.
So, let's go.