This is my favourite easter poem

Pilinszky János:

ON THE THIRD DAY

And now the ashen skies begin to roar,

the trees of Ravensbrück are wakening.

And roots can sense the sun through every pore.

And winds resound. And so does everything.

Mean mercenaries murdered Him in vain,

His final heartbeat did not mark his exit,

for on the third day He did rise again.

Et tertia die resurrexit.

I have special experients at every Easter.

There are always the same traditional Easter flavours: horse radish, milk-loaf, boiled egg and ham; 

then the songs that we sing in the church all the four day: Pergolesi, Bach for the end of the Lent, and then the four hundred years old Hungarian church-songs, 

and the holy emptiness of the last three days, together or alone. 

The painting of the eggs, the smell of the perfume that the boys bring to sprinkle with a lame Easter poem on Easter Monday and in return to get some painted eggs or shot of pálinka or cake (we don't give them money, the aunties maybe :))

Once my cousins pulled me to the courtyard and poured a bucket of water on me, I loved that, for a chance, instead of the perfume, it seemed to me more original. 

And once my brother woke me up with an own funny Easter poem, and once my birthday was in Good Friday and I ate bread and water the whole day. I accepted death together with resurrection, and now I get to know how can you let yourself led by God.

Because Easter is basically not about eggs and bunny and waiting for the Spring. This year, I was quite alone at Easter, being with another family, not mine. And on Holy Saturday I felt so naked and defenceless in a world without the God, in a world where we killed the God. 

But every Easter is a chance to rise from our own deadly path. And I know and feel in every second in my life that we are not alone, the sun shines because God loves us, Christ has risen and our life has a meaning because He loves us. And that is enough to continue, to step forward even if it looks hard and sometimes scary. He is with me, because He had defeated death with love. That's it.

To understand Easter

Here is a short video about the Holy Week and Easter.
I practically will celebrate this Easter alone, but I want to share this to you, to show you:
this is what I believe. Life would not be perfect without it.
And it's ok if you happen to not believe this - life is beautiful in our differences and the acceptance.

Travel back

I spent an amazing weekend in Turku, Finland, where I used to be a university student three and a half years ago.
Why was it so wonderful? Going back to a place where you had had a life, is supposed to be a little disappointment, probably because you expect the same experiences.
However, I basically had no expectations, and I got some more challange: to make two of my friends get to know each other. So I spent all my time with them, we had a really good time in the evening, with sauna, talking, two more czech girls appeared, and then the local pub with some more beers, freezing cold, old memories.
And the next day, waking up early, around midday, I went to the city alone and I was just hanging around my favourite places, remembering the good memories and enjoying the sunny moment at the same time. The bank of the Aurajoki, the bookshop, the Café Art, with the best café of Finland (and that's quite a big deal), the library, the Yliopistonkatu (the walking street), the Art Museum and so on.

And then Zuza and Evren joined me, we had some drink, and instead of doing something crazy (as I suggested several times), with my hangovered friends we just caugth a local bus that they have been guessing where it is goes, and had a sightseeing tour to Hirvensalo.

And then I had to catch the ship back to Stockholm, and of course I was so lame with the check in, and that was it... it was soo good. I cannot be thankful enough for the company, for the supporting, for the time they had given to me. And of course we are very-very-very different, in many aspects of life - but it doesn't matter.
What matters are the similarities.

it's the time for a poem

I love poems and literature.
This one is from a very famous poet from the 19th century, Mihály Vörösmarty, though students don't like him very much because of the old-fashioned language from 150 years ago and the grave thoughts. Actually according to the family legends he was an uncle of my granddad's grandmother...
I didn't understand and agree with the thoughts of this poem for so long, but now I start to appreciate it...
Voilá:


Mihály Vörösmarty:

To the day-dreamer

Where has the lustre of your eyes descended?
What do they seek in murky depths of space?
Shedding tears for an ecstasy that ended,
or the dark rose that fled without a trace?
Do apparitions on the future's veil
draw nigh with fearful pictures of dismay?
Do you distrust your fate, all wan and pale,
because you once were lost upon the way?
Look at the world and see how very few
among its millions do not weep and sigh -
daydreaming ruins life with lying view
it gazes, cross-eyed, at a painted sky.'
For what can give a man true happiness?
Fame? Treasure? Beauty? Pour these out in flood,
and greedy men will drown in their excess
with joy of spirit never understood.
He who needs roses does not wear a bower;
to stare into the sun means not to see;
he who seeks pleasure only, finds it sour;
for only temperance brings no agony.
They who are good and noble in their soul
who do not hunger in mouth-watering dearth,
whom pride and greedy fancy can't control,
Only they find a home upon this earth.
Don't look, then, to the distance dreams have shown
for the whole earth is never our estate;
only as much as we can call our own
will the wise heart accept and cultivate.
The past and future are a sea too wide
for the small farmstead of single breast;
fog-forts and dead lights flicker o'er its tide;
the lonely heart grows pale at its unrest.
If faithful gifts your present hour bestrew
with feeling, thought and love your true existence,
remain with life and what it offers you
and do not seek the fair but doubtful distance!
Don't sell serenity for coin of dreams
that will lie useless in your cozened hand -
regret will be the sum of all your schemes
if you frequent that day-dream wonderland.
Bring back, bring back your eyes' most lovely light!
Let it return now like a homing bird
that seeks its own olive branch in its flight
that branch to all sorrowful sighs preferred.
Remain among us with your youthful eyes!
Shine forth in brightness on your friend's true face!
Become his sun, high noon in all his skies,
untouched by tears in radiance and grace!


translation:

Kirkconnell, Watson; Hart, H.H.

and the original Hungarian version in a song by the band Kaláka:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmFWsYtetvQ

What do you want to be, when you wil be grown-up?

I wanted to  choose a lot of profession, and in the same time, why not?
Zoologist, to travel a log and observe interesting animals,
Stewardess, to be smart and to travel a lot,
Princess, as every little girl, to be beautiful,
poet - I didn't give up this one
a photographer, to travel and look at the world in a different way,
a inventor, to invent fantastic things
a nurse, a nun, Mother Theresa, to save poor and ill and miserable men.
(I don't remember all, I don't have the paper that I wrote down my ideas).

All is about beauty, and about helping others. Children are so pure.

Now - I just one to be a true man, clear, like a child. 


Gyerekkoromban nagyon sok minden szerettem volna lenni, egyszerre:

akartam lenni zoológus,  mert az sokfelé jár, és tanulmányoz egy sereg érdekes állatot, és csak bámulja, milyen szép a világ
légikisasszony, mert csinos, és sokat utazik: sokat lát és sokakat gyönyörködtet
királykisasszony, mert az minden kislány álma: hogy szép legyen, a napra lehessen nézni, de rá nem, és a férfiak a legjobbat hozzák ki magukból, hogy elnyerjék a kezüket és a fele királyságot
költő, aki a szavakban mutatja meg a szépséget - ezt még nem adtam fel,
fotográfus, aki izgalmas helyeken jár, izgalmas módon nézi a világot, és szép képeket csinál,
feltaláló, hogy feltaláljak egy csomó dolgot, és segítsek az embereknek
ápolónő, hogy megmentsem a betegeket,
apáca, mert tiszták, szépek, és egész nap imádkoznak, valamint Teréz anya, szintén, hogy jót tegyek az emberiséggel
és még mennyi minden, most nincs nálam az a papír, amire felírtam.

Mindegyik gyerekkori álom a szépségre és a mások megsegítésére épül. A gyermekek olyan tiszták.

Ma már csak egyvalami szeretnék lenni:
jó ember. Igaz ember. 
Tiszta, akár egy gyermek.

Essere stata una bambina, ho voluto diventare tante cose: 
un esploratore degli animali, principessa, poetessa (sto volendo esserla), fotografa, inventoressa, sorella, Madre Teresa (anche adesso), infermiera - tutto sono per andare luoghi nuovi, interessanti,  e per condividere la bellezza, e per aiutare agli altri. I bambini mi sembrano immacolati.

E adesso, quando sono quasi adulto, voglio essere soltanto una persona giusta, una donna vera e retta, come un bambino.

 

Friends

This blog probably will become a place for grateful notes - there is so much thing every day to be grateful for!

This post is about friends.

It's like when I had realized in one of my high-school drawing class that I don't be afraid of drawing rocks or anything else - when I was seventeen, and the world became wilder, I realized that I can find friends literally everywhere.

And you cannot tell what are the things that you find another random person attractive or familiar or simply cool mate, but it's working, and you don't need to be very similar - it's enough to be open.

If you read this post, you probably have met me, and that means you are important to me - and I want to thank you letting me being your friend.
Anyway, even if we didn't meet or know each other well, I'm sure that the world would be less without you.

I dare to say that I have many friends from all over the world, and most of them are real friends, even if in different mode. Of course there is no relationship or friendship that would be the same, it changes with time, distance, and we are also changing, but all this doesn't matter. Only the other person matters,  even if you met for a short time, for some hours, this link works; and I think this is one of the best things in the life.

I found a lot of really good people from various countries and cultures and religions, and I'm so happy that I learned to accept, to let things or thoughts go, just to be and enjoy the company of the nature or community or friends.

Friendship is equality - but also gratuitous. It is love, so it is for free. It want to give, not only to have. I need to learn a lot too about life, but I hope I am on my way. Friendship doesn't really require brother-souls, a diploma or money - just an open heart. And of course when you find someone you let him or her see your soul and he so she do the same - that is something miraculous and very, very rare. I know it exists.

I discovered that with time and work the relationships with your family also could become a friendship - yes, not only with your siblings, and cousins but your father and mother, though I guess they never cease to be your parents as well. This is an amazing treasure.

And the best part is definitely to become friends with God, whatever you call him.

Sono cosí felice di avere molto cari amici. Lo so che avere un amico nella distanza non é lo stesso che averlo vicino e incontrarlo ogni giorno, 
eppure, sono grata di essere la vostra amica. Ci sono molti tipi di amicizia, e ho trovato tanto - e non posso essere grata abbastanza per incontrarvi. Grazie al Creatore.

grave reality

I heard about a french guy who was hitchhiking for for 5 years and travelled around the world - or at least all continents. And I think this is an amazing idea! Just let yourself go wherever the next car take you. There is no such thing as impossible.

However, I will not do this. (Or maybe in little - just in Europe :))

The main reason is: I like to be far away - but sometimes it is more important to be close. Because when there is trouble, you are needed at home. 

An unspeakably good friend of mine, in fact an angel, got into hospital because his heart stopped. And I can't call him, I can't write him - he doesn't have an own phone, he doesn't have an email, facebook, and I am definitely not able to visit him. And this might break the heart. He is a friend outside the internet, outside long-distance calls - he is a friend who really knows life and every word which slips out of his mouth is grave and deep.

And now all I can do is to pray, to look up at the snowy sky from the bottom of the well.

I always will love travelling and get to know people and make really good friends in places and circumstances where I wouldn't imagine - but you also I have to learn to be fast when there is something going on.

my country

Here are some beautiful photos and there are some interesting facts of Hungary. I know it is not enough to present Hungary, but it's a quite good selection about my beloved country. I am not be tired of praising it (in spite of the constant political and economical and social problems).
In fact, wherever I am, even if I don't compare everything to Hungary, in a small corner of my heart I know this is the only place to live in the whole world.

Like in the tale, if I remember well (if not - well, it is still a little tale):
King Mátyás, the legendary renaissance king travelled in the country disguised, and one met a sheperd. He asked him:
- Tell me, where is the middle of the world? No one I asked knows the answer.
The man stuck up his staff in front of him:
- It is here where I stick my stuff.

And that's it.
If we are all right with ourselves, in our heart, we are in the very middle of the world.

Yesterday I saw the aurora borealis for the first time in my life, and I still feel as I would have just dreamed about it. I can't help seeing my existence as a miracle even when I see lots of suffering too. But I know we are in bigger hands - the hands of God who take care of us. Every day, every second. Every moment.

it's a wonderful, wonderful life

It is so different: jogging sleepy in the morning -

and running in the forest like Maugli, like if you were the lord of the jungle, and all is living around you, and you are the master of everything you look at, and you can appreciate the sparkling blue and green and blinding white of the snow, the sun is shining and you know, this is your only life, and you are in the right place in the right time

because you know what to do, even if you don't know the details yet

because the world is whole and wonderful, beyond expressions, and we are living to love each other

everything else is just redundant.

I don't really like cliché, and I constantly am struggling with words - I hope one day I succeed to express what is in my heart. 

Even if not with words, but with acts.

Until then - words remain

and the hope that I can rule them, because they are just words, just tools to communicate - from soul to soul.

In a national holiday

I am so far now (in place - right now I'm in Sweden), but still,  15th March is one of the most important national holiday in Hungary, so I need to pin the tricolor to my coat and think about what can I do for my country.

I remember my history teacher who taught us so carefully

and I read the virtual history books on the internet 

and I follow the events of the snow storm and how they rescue one another 

and how the Spirit lead the Church in these days electing pope Francis

and then how much we need to do  -
for example because the leader of one of the best Hungarian band, the Republic died (named László Bódi, nickname Cipő) and we must continue to work not only for our own happiness but the whole Hungary and all Hungarians and all humans...

and I realize - we are so fools, we trick each other, we are selfish in the everyday life, we don't care about those who are not in our social state, have less money and so on... of course not everybody, but lots of us. And this is not good. Each of us would need to work on prospering his or her own family and country and the world, and not to sink just to earn money for buying food.

And right this moment I don't know what to do, but I am seeking the way and I'm sure I shall find it.
I'm sorry, I'm kind of philosophic person (like my father and elder brother), but I try not to think tooo much :)

And for the end of this post, the most famous poem of the revolution of 1848 here, as I like literature very much and  I would like to share my favourites with you.

(and from now the same - or at least similar, in Hungarian)

(mivel a régi blogom nem akarja, hogy írjak, ezért kreáltam ezt a másikat - mert úgy érzem, meg kell osztanom ezeket a dolgokat.)

Messze vagyok (mindenféle értelemben). Mit tehetek messze, március 15-én?

Kokárdát tűzök, és megpróbálom kicsit átlátni a dolgokat.

Eszembe jutnak a régi történelemórák, s amikor a koreai kamaszoknak próbáltam mesélni Magyarországról. Olvasom a virtuális történelemkönyveket, figyelem a jelenlegi politikai helyzetet otthon és a világban, és képtelen vagyok nem csóválni a fejemet.

Hát normálisak az emberek? Eszünknél vagyunk?

Nem véletlen a játszma szó: úgy játszunk egymás és a magunk életével, mint a gyerekek, amikor még nem tanulták meg a szabályokat; akik elveszik a másik dolgát, mert megtehetik, csalnak a kártyában, sértegetnek vagy visszaütnek, ha valami nem tetszik, és akik sokszor nagy ívben tesznek rá, hogy a másikkal éppen mi történik.

És nahát, legtöbbször ezek kezében van a hatalom, a pénz, a befolyás, nyilván, megszerezték, amit pillanatnyilag akartak.

De a '48-as forradalom, vagy a magyar történelem bármely eseménye nemcsak akkor nem volt hiábavaló, ha most demokrácia van és szólásszabadság, reményeink szerint legalábbis, hanem akkor is, ha meglátom: változás akkor történik, ha akarjuk, és teszünk érte. Együtt. Akár feláldozva a személyes kényelmünket.

Itt nincs most hóvihar, mint odahaza, de a híre elért, lehet, kell hozzá a virtuális és valóságos veszteglés, hogy lelassítsak és végiggondoljam: én merre tartok, mi merre tartunk (hiszen szerencsére sohasem késő egy másik úton elindulni).És hogy lássuk, hogy ha együtt csinálunk valamit, és túllépünk a magunk kényelmén, akkor haladnak a dolgok, és nem hátrafelé.

És most, hogy egyre világosabban látszik, hogy valami nem stimmel az országban, és hogy tenni kell valamit, elénk lebbennek és kihangsúlyozódnak a példák, hol előre, hol utólag: Cipő és a Republik, akik nagyon sokat adtak a magyaroknak a zenéjükkel, szövegükkel, emberségükkel,

és Ferenc pápa, akinek az alázatából van mit tanulnunk.

Így is lehet csinálni.

Kamaszkoromban egyik kedvenc versem volt Petőfi Akasszátok föl a királyokat című műve, még szavalóversenyen is mondtam, noha nyilván a felét sem értettem. De benne vibráló lendület és az akarat nagyon megfogott. Ma már persze szelídebb húrokat pengetek, ha tehetem, és nem akarok senkit bántani.

Ha ma verset kéne választanom, ez lenne:

Nádasdy Ádám: Vacsora előtt

Uram, ha megfacsarsz, miként egy citromot,
ha néha bérbeadsz, mint régi birtokot,
ha álmokkal zavarsz és angyalodat küldöd,
hogy ágyam széléről fülembe súgja: "züllött!",
Uram, ha megvonod kéken az ereket,
ha bambaságot adsz, munkát, vagy gyereket,
ha elrontod a nap értékesebb felét,
s én direkt nem teszek egy lépést sem feléd,
ha válasz nélkül küldöd rám az éjfelet,
mi más marad nekem, mint hogy szeresselek?

cultural identity

This was made for a lesson in the university of Gävle, though it's not only a homework - but a testimony.

The most important elements of my identity: I am the creature and child of God , and I belong to the Roman Catholic Church. And after that I am human, and woman and Hungarian, then European, and scout, and art student, writer and travelle.

Me and my family are living in Hungary, Transdanubia, in a small city: Veszprém – this is the very middle of the Earth for me. My ancestors had various professions, and I am proud of them all: they were mostly teachers and doctors, but also carpenters and peasants, warriors and poets. My smaller family (my mum, dad and my two brothers and me) are in the low-middle class in the present Hungarian society – we are intellectuals, but neither of us earns very much. In fact, compare to my cousins and other relatives, we are a kind of 'dud': we never ever will get much money because our priorities more are the family and friends, free-time activities and to enjoy ourselves (in a cheap way); and it is more important to us to work in a place where we want to work – much more than work in a place where we earn money but don't like the work itself. In politics we like the right side but much more prefer to get out of it.

It is very important to me that I am Hungarian but also that my roots are from Poland, Italy, Croatia, Germany and probably from somwhere Asia or from Jews (it's normal in Hungary because there is a lot of other nation here from thousand years). We Hungarians are mixed so no one can say he or she is 'pure-blood' Hungarian (though in the society there are groups making kind of troubles of this).

I believe this is an amazing world, a beautiful country and world full of fantastic people – though I know there are lots of problems in the world and in the country, and I try to deal with them when I need to face them (homeless people for example), but most of the time I choose to build the culture and the beauty of the world.

The most important base in the life: that God loves us and He send his son, Christ to save us, and I can feel or at least know this in every moment of my life. This is my own conscious choice and influenced by my family and later my friends and communities in the University – and later my own relationship with God. I also feel close to the franciscans, I volunteered for them in Italy, Assisi and that experience affected me to get closer to God and to myself.

Other things that determined my life: I am scout from the age 9, I am climbing rock, and I love dance classical or Hungarian folk dance; I love reading, writing and I love literature (poems, novels, tales), I love making handicrafts (carving wood, making flowers etc) and being with friends talking through long evenings about life with a glass of very good wine. I belonged to the university chaplancy as a leader for years, by this and as a scout leader I learned a lot about children, youth, about teaching and organizing. Being a scout taught that we are responsible for others and for our own life, and yes, we are able to solve every kind of problems we face day by day.

I was also influenced by my travellings all around Europe, alone as well as with others. I was in Korea for three months volunteering as a scout, and stepping out of Europe taught me a lot and opened my eyes to other parts of the world – and it also strenghtened my European identity; as well as I have something to do with Asians both as a Hungarian and personally.

As a child I liked to observe things such as grass, sunset, ants, nature, and it formed me very much. As adults I often forget just observe things – though these are kind of meditation and these are the moments when I feel very alive – to do only one thing at the time: like swimming in the lake, climbing rock or mountain, reading, eating, crying, kissing, carving wood, listening to music or listening to somebody who is important to me. These things are really forming.

My grandmother was telling me a lot about her family, especially about her father, who escaped miraculously from the first and then the second world war – these events formed his, her and my life as well. This granny of mine transformed me much because during university I had been living with her for six years and she showed me how to become old in a purposeful and dignified way – she still have a lot of activities in her life. My other grandfather was a very good doctor of children – his life pattern influenced me a lot, and also how he worked in all his 88 years honestly and hard – for others, never for himself.

My parents divorced when I was eight years old, and I realized it not so long ago how much it had hurt me, in my affections to others and my relationships, but I believe that this is something that can be healed by God. However, I love and respect my parents very much, and I know that most of their lives and acts are to be followed – I'm glad that I inherited my values from these wonderful persons.

I remember one moment when as a child I asked my uncle who actually was scout leader as well: I'm a boyish girl, am I not? He said: no, you are certainly a very feminine girl. I did not understand it that time, but I realized that it affected me later to be more sure about myself as a woman. The aspects of femininity also deepened when I had a long-term relationship.

I have a lot of friends and I know that all is important to me and I must take care of the relationship with them, even if we live far away, but one of my most important tasks in this life (I started to unfold this idea not long ago) to bring joy to the life of my beloved and others whom I meet. And this is that should affect my choice of evocation, my work, my job, and also my decisions.

Most of my friends are also intellectuells, teachers, students, poets, nurses, people who are seeking their place (or simply house and food) in the world. However, when I hitch-hike (and I do it a lot because it's a cheap way of travelling) I can meet people from other classes: millionaires or gipsies, politic or workingman, or people who think totally different about the world or the country, and I am always astonised that I live in a kind of cultural bubble, and I might need to change this.

I am definitely the child of the 20th century, (was born in the '80-es), - but I need to build the 21st century, the present– with my personal life, and with what I create with the help of the talents that are given to me

Introduction

Welcome, dear readers!

Let me introduce myself, in case you don't know me:

I'm Hungarian
I'm girl
my name is Cecilia which means 'from the family of blinds' in ancient latin,
my chosen Christian name is Teresa - after Mother Teresa and Saint Thérése of Avila and Saint Thérése of Lisieux
my family name is polish and I don't know what does it mean but I believe this means I can choose my own destiny.
I am also a kind of graphoman

and traveller
and of course roman catholic
and I want to share my writable experiences with you.
I love singing, dancing,
reading good poems and novels,
writing,
playing,
praying
travelling, being in the forest or in the nature,
climbing rock, mountain, swimming in the sea and be in other dangeourus places,
listening to music, talking with friends about the deepest things of the life,
good wine, new food,
staring stars in a dark field, and a lot more.
Life is beautiful - la vita é bella! :)

yours,
Cecilia


PS:
Cari amici,
sapete che non posso scrivere in italiano cosí bene che lo vorrei, peró cerco di scrivere cosí, per mostrarti  i miracoli della mia vita in Cristo (anche se non scrivo suo nome ogni giorno).
Addio!