Stories on

It has been a long time since I wrote here - usually it was easier to write to the Hungarian blog (www.axisok.blogspot.com).
Now I have a totally different life, yet I remaied the same person - through changes.
I have a husband and I have a one year old son.
We live together with my father, and I enjoy mostly the advantages of this.
We have a garden, and soon we will have a puppy.

And now – after 31 years – the time has come when I realize my real mission in this world. Or, more specifically, I know now the answer to the question that they ask every child: What are you going to be, when you will grow up?

I have grown up. And I'm going to be a storyteller. (And writer, of course, that I knew since the age 8)
Not teacher. Not a folklorist. Not a journalist or an editor. A storyteller.
I'm gonna bring magic to the life of the audiance.
And with stories I heal, I enchant, I educate, but mostly I make people be in the present, and start a long travel to their inner world.

This is what I always have been.
Stories on.

ruminating

As this spring and summer pass, I feel that I somehow in the middle of a battle. I am not sure who is against who, but I strongly feel that I need to be really honest with myself. And in this case I can live more than I could ever imagined to live.
In the past three years I followed my instinct, even if it had said to go 9000 miles or stay in one place for a year. Now I am in a situation than every important person in my life says I need to do something - don't trust, for example. My deep intuition, however, says to stay and hang on and trust and love, no matter what.
It is hard. It is heartbreaking. This is a battle.
But I will endure it all, and will win over the circumstances. And even if I'm not certain in some aspects of my life - for example what to do, what is my real calling - I'm profoundly sure that I need to keep love and be faithful.
It's not a desert. It's a spring.

I'm longing...

for someone
(two Someones)
for a place

and I wish -
to be out of the City
to be in a quiet place
to be with people I love and care
to be useful with the measure of God

...and to not be upset on coming out of a church.
I'm longing to belong to Christ.

And bless me!
I do.

after the Camino

I realized that I haven't changed enough.
I am learning to wait and listen and endure what is painful.
And I experienced that eventually everything depends on God.

sta camminando

keep on walking
keep on breathing
keep on praying
keep on changing
keep on being grateful

Budapest, love

Here are some amazing photos about Budapest. Actually, when I am walking on the streets, I don't see the city like this with my eyes, but I definitely see likewise with my heart. I have to add, I am riding a bike, it's easy to escape from the crowd and stop in the beautiful places if you wish to. Still, this city needs a lot of time and patience, and then you find it fascinating.

time to declutter

Sometimes I feel lucky and blessed for I am able to live a thousand life, in books, in different cultures and countries and companies. This is the 21st century, and I live right now and here.
But other times I just feel overwhelmed by the busyness of my everyday life, which, in fact, is crowded because I made it like that. But my problem is always with objects and events and things-to-do-lists - never with people. 

I could live my whole life meeting to you, my friends. And I never regret to get in touch with someone. 

Still, it's necessary to simplify life.
To breathe. To sit still. To listen to you.
To get and let the body, the brain, the soul move.
One thing at the time.

sensible

Maybe the waiting of the spring, perhaps my body, I feel free and open and closed, and perhaps in love, therefore I feel very confused. Whatever. I'm on the right path, cycling around Budapest and in my life and in my soul. This is also a crazy post.
Have a wonderful day to everybody!

my very favourites

I feel the urge to list my favourite movies, just as I collect my most beloved books.
Well, let's start with the books.

The most perfect ones:
No.1. Antoine de Saint Exupéry: The little prince
No.2. Ferenc Molnár: The boys from the Pál street
No. 3. Thomas Mann: Joseph and his brothers

Then the common ones but I really do love them:
 Magda Szabó: The door. And also: The moment.
 Endre Illés: Szávitri
 Michael Ende: Momo
 Ervin Lázár: Szegény Dzsoni és Árnika
 Antar Szerb: Traveller and moonlight
 Jack London: The call of the wild
 Charlotte Bronte: Jane Eyre
 Jane Austen: Pride and prejudice
 András Sütő: Anyám könnyű álmot ígér
 Hungarian folk tales
 J.D. Salinger: The catcher in the rye
 Bulgakov: Master and Margarita
 Umberto Eco: The name of the rose
 Márquez:  One hundred years of solitude


The movies (just titles):
(I could watch them any time)

The secret of Kells
Howl's moving castle
Coraline
Black cat, white cat
Simon mágus
8 Woman
Babette's feast
Kill Bill


and some others I don't remember right now :)

about muslims

When I was in Malaysia, I questioned a lot about their culture and religion, why women cover themselves and how do they worship Allah. Now I can say I understand a little bit more. I do not agree with anything, but I accept and understand them better, and that is a big deal - a conversation between christians and muslims, to accept each other. 
Here are some nice stories I got from Naim's father. They  say, we are like brothers and sisters. Or cousins, whatever. The point is basically almost the same, except Jesus Christ vs Mohammed, but to talk and befriend with another human it is more than enough to think the same about God.

A Non Muslim came to a Sufi and asked: Why is it Not Permissible in Islam for a Women to shake hands with a Man? The Sufi said: Can you shake hands with Queen Elizabeth? The Non Muslim said: Of course not, there are only certain people who can shake hands with Queen Elizabeth. Sufi replied: Our Women are Queens and Queens do not shake hands with strange men. 

Then the Non Muslim asked another Question: Why do your Girls cover up their body? The Sufi smiled and got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the Non Muslim: If I asked you to take one of the sweets which one will you choose? The Non Muslim replied: The covered one.The Sufi said: That's how we treat and see our women. Women should not be like the Moon which everyone can See and Admire, they should be like the Sun which makes the Viewers lower their Gaze. 

anno nuovo - a new year

Un anno nuovo. Quest'anno e stata piena di sorpresi e cambiamenti. Scandinavia, montagni, Assisi, autostop, insegnare, Malaisia, Natale con la famiglia. Cose difficile e bellissime.
Non lo so che cosa viene, ma cerco di lasciare spazio a Dio che Lui anche puó operare nella mia vita. Nella nostra vita. Ecco. 

A new year has arrived. A lot of wonderful and surprising thing happened in 2013.
I was in Sweden and experienced loneliness and cold, yet also how can one grow in the darkness. 
I was at home and with friends.
I was in the mountains again, in the Tátra.
I was in Assisi again.
I moved to Budapest.
I teached two months.
I was in Malaysia for a muslim wedding.
I made friendship with wonderful people.
And here I am. Thank you, my God!

Now this is another period of change. I am going to let God to be God and act for me. Not as if I couldn't act. But I want to find the road that He planned for me. That's it. Life is amazingly beautiful.

One thing at the time

I was wondering about time and occupation.
Since I am living in a huge city, in the capital of Hungary, I noticed I have fewer time. Why is that? The day is still 24 hours, right? Only I have more things to do. And to became a teacher (that's a long procedure, my mom said only the first ten years is hard) is eating most of my time. For the other things I want to do (being with friends, going to dance, cinema, theater or museum) is so much that is impossible to fit each one of them in the day. Time is the same - but I want to do more.
Here in the 21st century the world is open, you have a giand window of it and you can live a thousand life if you want to (like in my childhood when I wanted to be an indian, at least Winnetou, but then I realized if I would be him, I would never could have a look at other cultures and times).
So we want everything. I want to travel everywhere.
But it's no use.
I feel alive sincerely when I do one and only one thing at a time. One book. One notebook. One movie. One friend to listen to. ONE thing at the time.
You can peep the other ten thousand life, wheter it is real or not - but you have to live only one.
And when I teach the kids how our ancestors had been living, peasants, craftsmasters and so on - I know I cannot show them that life was sooo slower than now.
It's amazing that we could live another hundred life - but we'd better choose one.
That's how it became real.

actually

I tried to look at my wish-list - what do I want to do, where do I feel need to go, what kind of life do I want to myself.
And I am actually living my dreams.
It required a huge amount of fortitude, recline upon God, and it was really, really scary. But it worth it, every minute since.

One year ago

Last November in the evening of my departure from Korea, Joshua told me to write something about our capital, Budapest. Something that cannot be found in a guide book.
I wrote this:

For me Budapest is the most beautiful city in the world, 
therefore
I would never live there.

And here I am, living in Budapest for the next year and I enjoy it.
It is amazing.
It is dirty and noisy.
It robs time.
But if I don't stop watching to the things I see with fresh eyes, it remains fabulous, and even more wonderful that you can imagine.
Because with a real glance one can find the essence.

autumn list - I simply love them

pumpkin in every form
falling leaves
smell of wild chesnut (and kicking them)
chesnut eaten on the street
quince jelly (or in every form)
something new begins in every year whether you are student or not
harvesting grape and grape juice
hot drinks
wind and fog
fresh walnut and almond and nut
visiting the graves of our relatives and ancestors and lighting a candle
reading poems

a one-minute short story

Here is a short story of István Örkény, the master of very short stories. Classic Hungarian. Enjoy it.

short and dim yet

I got back home. I seek my way... I have questions and always got the answers too, just need to wait a little bit.
New autumn and new things are coming, I have no idea yet, but I feel it.
I don't know, how, but every day things of life become more clear.
I just need to start.
Back soon.

Assisi

So, I am in Assisi again, exactly in the convent and the Basilica Papale di Santa Maria degli Angeli, for volunteering for the third time. And again: I don t have words for it. So amazing, in spite of we are working all day long. The way to here was also long, from Hungary to Bologna by hitchiking, then by train. And now here I am, where the air is full of the spirit of San Francesco, and the friars and sisters warmly welcomed me and my Italian is better day by day, the food is amazing, sometimes we can learn how to make Italian food. And every day happens something, that shows me the incredible grace of God.

Grazie per tutti che posso essere qua, i frati e le suore ogni giorno mi mostrano Dio in piccole cose, e anche fare il volontariato significa che sorridiamo, o confrontiamo con le gente, ma la direzione e chiaro - verso al Creatore. Non ho parole.

Midsummer

This midsummer (or the day of Saint John) was amazing though nothing was as I had planned.
 Previously we were in the Tátra Mountains, In Rzeszów and in Zakopane, together with Hungarians a Polish. Everybody way either younger of older than me, but it didn't matter, we had great fun hiking and playing together. It was simply amazing.
And then we were at the Balaton with friends, the most fabulous things were to swimming deep in the lake and then talking till dawn about serious and interesting things of life. We so in need of these kind of things.
And yesterday it was the day of Svieta Ivan or Saint John the baptist, protector of Horvátzsidány, the small croatian village where my grandma is from. We were invited, and it was not only a day together with the family, but as we were listening the croatian songs in the church, I felt like being by the Adriatic sea (though I haven't really been there).
My cousins were playing in the tambourine band and later on they showed how to play on it. And in the mass they were singing in two or more voices! Even the Our father was like so gay I wanted to dance. In the evening I did dance with my uncle. He also gave us some old stuff like a SPINNING WHEEL even if broken. I definitely will fix it :)
And my granny's sister took us to the cemetery and told us who was who, what kind of relative in that small graveyard. We were at home.

The point is to get closer together and accept things we might don't even understand.And after loosing my confidence on the roads after my tiny crash I can drive again.

Thank you, my Lord! :)

late spring

Today the first red rose bloomed in our garden (better late than never).
The fish flamed out in the pan.
I wrote an article about tales.
A throstle bird found us worthy to make a nest in the corner of the garden, under the grape, and we can hear the chirping of the nestling. I hope they like walnut.
I was singing alone on the top of the rock and talking with the storm.
I messed my weekend, but it's going to be ok. The Danube is in flood and I go to help, even if I am only a drop in the sea.
What a day, what a week, what a life!